Going from Childless to Child-full: Getting Our First Placement

Months of work finally worked out for us: we were now officially licensed foster parents. Now all we had to do was wait for them to place kids with us.

And wait.

Realistically it was only a month and a week or so after we got licensed that we finally got our first placement, but it felt a lot longer than that. Especially since things were gearing up for Christmas and were trying to decide if we needed to plan on having kids with us for Christmas or not.

It was just another ordinary day. I was working on a Christmas stocking for Andrew, it was my Christmas present for him that year, and I was hiding my crafting project at a friend's house so he wouldn't catch on. After taking Andrew to work, I drove to my friend's house to continue working on the stocking. We visited and then she and her toddler went to go do nap time and I went to get to work. Just as I was getting started, my phone started to ring. 

"Hello?"

I don't remember everything said, but we had been recommended to care for two little boys that were in need of a placement. The woman on the other line told me a bit about them and the case and I asked her if she minded if I called my husband to talk to him about it really quick. She said that was fine and I promised that I could call her right back to let her know either way.

I think I opened that phone call with "Hey, Andrew, do you want to have some kids?" I was breathless and my heart was racing and my mind was everywhere at once. Andrew slowed me down, I told him everything that I knew, and when neither of us felt bad about the decision, we decided "Why not?"

So I called her back. And she asked me, "Can you come right now?" So I left my sewing project, hurried upstairs to inform my friend that I was going to get two little boys RIGHT NOW. She gave me a box of fruit snacks for them and I got in my car (which I suddenly wished I had cleaned it out better the day before) and drove to go pick them up.

It was no longer just another ordinary day. Suddenly I was smiling at two little boys that were going to be living with me until they got to go back home, reassuring their grandmother that they were going to be alright, and getting booster seats from their case worker so I could take them home with me. They had a big bag full of stuff, I'd be getting more from their grandmother later. We packed it all in the car, buckled up two little boys, and I started driving home. 

With two kids in the back seats.

Weird.

When we got home, I helped them put their things away in the dresser, helped them make their beds, and soon it was time to go pick Andrew up from work. We went and got him. I thought how weird that must be for him, to come out to the car and see two kids in the back seat that weren't there when I dropped him off that morning.

We got pizza on our way home and watched a movie together that night until, around 8:11, the older of the two told us he was tired. They didn't have a normal bedtime routine before they came to  us, so I got to make it up on the spot and try to figure things out.

Then they were in bed and we were downstairs and THERE WERE KIDS IN OUR HOUSE. I went to bed happier that night than I had been in a long time. The next few weeks I enjoyed the honeymoon stage with the boys, feeling so fulfilled at the end of each day and warm and happy.

That was the day we went from childless to child-full all at once, in a whirlwind that left me breathless. I haven't caught my breath since, and I'm still just making things up as I go.

The case has been going pretty well, and although the honeymoon stage has worn off (I go to bed a little more exhausted now, and sometimes frustrated, sometimes hurt, sometimes sad, but sometimes still happy and sometimes still feeling very fulfilled) I still know that I am doing exactly what I need to be doing.

Isn't it crazy? How life can change everything in an instant like that?

I am a foster mom now, and Andrew is a foster dad now. We're parents.

And our lives will definitely never be the same again.

Chore Reward System

Background:

We had been struggling with the boys on getting them to do their chores. "Mr. K, can you please work on your chores?" "No, thanks. I don't want to do my chores today." "That's not really an option. Remember how it's a house rule that you need to help out with your chores?" "I don't want to do them." It was a frustrating battle day in and out. So Andrew and I held a family council and prayed over what to do. And an answer came to me.

Our answer may not work for everyone, but it has absolutely floored me how well that it has been working for us. As in, within three months, they didn't finish their chores 7 times. Three of those times it was because their chore reward from the day before was no chores, and at least once it was because we were gone all day. So, basically, that makes three days out of three months that they didn't do their chores. If the days get too crazy once a month for boys to get chores done, I can handle that. This has worked INFINITELY better for us than the daily struggle it was before.

Our Answer (The Chore Reward System):

While we were talking, I suddenly remembered something my third grade teacher used to do. Occasionally, I don't remember what we did to earn it, we got to pick a clover off of the wall. They had things like "5 extra minutes of recess" or "Eat lunch in the classroom today" or "Better luck next time" on them. We LOVED picking them! I realized this could work as a chore reward system (although we don't have "better luck next time" as a chore reward).

We broke it into groups:

Weekday Chore Rewards, ones we could do on a school night during the week or on Saturdays when we had something going on, such as the boys going to visit their grandma.

Saturday Chore Rewards, ones we could do when we had more time as a family to do something fun.

Lastly, More Expensive Chore Rewards: these were the "rare" chore rewards where we could budget to do something fun as a family. These were only possible to draw on Saturdays, because ONE Saturday would have a "pick a (pot of gold, or whatever object we used for it that month)" and we had more chore rewards in each category than were possible to draw. So far, two of the three months we have done the expensive chore reward. This month it didn't get drawn.

The Chore Rewards for April. The Easter Eggs are the regular weekday chore rewards, the bunnies are the weekday chore rewards, and the Easter Baskets were the expensive chore rewards. I made them all visually different so that the boys would know which ones they could pick. The chocolate bunny was because we had something special planned one of the days of this month and it could only get picked on a specific day (one of the boys' birthdays).

I have done different visuals each month to make it less of an eyesore for them to just be on a wall in my house.

For March: Three Leaf Clovers, Four Leaf Clovers, Pots of Gold
April: Easter Eggs, Easter Bunnies, Easter Baskets
May: Raindrops, Clouds, Umbrellas
June: Flowers, Birds, Sunshines

How can we afford to do this? Simple. I adapted the chore reward system to us in particular, making use of things we could go and do for little or free. For example, the boys have Pass of All Passes, so we put Trafalga in as a Saturday chore reward. We have fun kids board games, so we will let them pick which one we all play together that night. Super fun for the boys and free for us. Awesome! Plus it helps us make sure we are scheduling time together as a family to do fun things. On top of that, I just made a budget for it. I would write out all of the chore rewards before the month they would be in and then write down how expensive they would be and then budgeted for them.

The catch with this system is that in order for us to do some of the chore rewards, we have to have enough time before bedtime. So we set a hard time limit that, if they aren't done by that time exactly they don't get to get a chore reward that day. That helps them with not dilly-dallying about doing their chores; they want to get them done in time! Also, the first person that is done with their chores is the one that gets to pick the reward off of the wall. Everyone who finishes their chores within the time limit gets to have the reward, but only the first person done gets to pick the actual reward off of the wall.

Really quick I'll give you what we do for chores and then list a sample of chore rewards for those of you that may be seeking ideas.

Chores:

I made chore charts for the boys using charts I found online for age-appropriate chores for their specific ages. I adapted things each month to come up with a system that works for us.

For us, the boys have every day chores, weekly chores, and "Ask Liz" chores. For their everyday chores, it's things like picking up their clothes and toys, making their beds, and reading/going to school/doing homework. Each week they also switch off who helps clean and set the table and who helps feed the cats for the rest of that week on their daily chores. Their weekly chores are things that only need to happen once a week. For example, I give them a cleaning wipe and they clean off their toilet seat in the bathroom that only they use, or they help with vacuuming their bedroom and the stairs (I have a small handheld vacuum for the 5-year-old; he helps with the stairs).

Their "Ask Liz" chores have adapted a lot. It used to be something I planned out ahead of time, but I have changed it to something where they have to come up to me and ask me for another chore. I look around me, find something that needs to be done that day (like helping water the plants, using glass wipes to clean the bathroom mirrors, or playing upstairs quietly until lunch time to give me a moment to recollect my sanity).

Overall, they have six chores every day, six days of the week (we don't do chores on Sunday in our house).

The one disadvantage to this is I have to constantly be helping them figure out what their next chore is and then checking them off, which makes it harder for me to get my own stuff done. But hey. They are learning how to help out around the home. I am raising boys that will help their wives at home, and if that means the dishes have to wait until they are in bed, I can deal with that.

Chore Reward Ideas:

Regular Chore Rewards:
(With some of these we do multiples. For example, we might have four Regular Chore Rewards that have "Make a Treat Together" on them, but we only have one option for "No Chores Tomorrow". Find whatever works for you.)

- Ten minutes of a video or computer game
- Play a board game together (Your choice)
- $__ Allowance (we have switched between $1 or $2 - we took them to a toy store before this, too, to help them find something they wanted to save up for)
- Piece of Candy (we still have candy left over from Easter)
- Pick a candy bar from the store (we limit them to $1 each)
- Make a treat together
- No Chores Tomorrow!
- Ice Cream / Rootbeer Floats
- Story time! (the boys were not a fan of this one, so we cut it out since we were doing reading with them as a chore anyway)
- Craft time
- Pick one chore not to do tomorrow (The boys didn't like this one, strangely enough. They're an all-or-nothing bunch, I suppose. We figured with the no chores tomorrow they didn't get to pick a clover that day, but with this one it got them one chore closer to picking a chore reward.)


Saturday Chore Rewards:
(We always do more possible rewards on this than there are weekends, that way it isn't guaranteed that we will do the expensive chore reward. You are free to do differently in your own home.)

- $0.50 Allowance per Regular Chore Reward earned this week, $5 if all possible Chore Rewards were earned.
- Pick an expensive chore reward
- Go to Trafalga
- Go to Kangaroo Zoo
- Outdoor Scavenger Hunt
- Feed ducks at the park
- Go out for a treat (we took them to Purple Turtle for a milkshake when we got this one)

Expensive Chore Rewards:
(Again, make sure you budget for this and plan ahead so it's something you could really go do together as a family. It's our way of fitting a family outing into our schedules once a month. We only have two per month for them to choose one of, but I will list several of the options that we have done.)

- Nickle City
- Bowling
- Color-Me-Mine
- Go to the Rec. Center
- Go out to the movies
- Classic Skating

And Then There Were Cats

Early on in our marriage, Andrew knew we were going to end up with a cat. He wasn't really sold on the whole plural cats thing, but he was willing to get A cat, at least. He's not a big animal person in general, but since I grew up with animals and was set on at least getting a cat, he conceded. We just had to wait until we were in a pet-friendly place.

When we were getting to the point where we were getting ready to graduate and get a house, I was finally able to start kitten shopping.

My mom & step-dad's cat "Mama Kitty" gave birth to Ayah on April 17th and I immediately made it known that she was going to be my kitten. Due to an accident before her birth, all of the kittens were stillborn except for her. I named her Ayah, which is Arabic for miracle, to commemorate her special story. 

Baby Ayah - April 26, 9 days old

I had teased Andrew about having two cats long before we chose to get Ayah, but he was never big on the idea.  The conversation had ended there. However, the idea was still stuck in my head. I had been browsing for fun at the pet store while waiting to hand over the keys to our apartment when I saw Meg and her sister. I LOVE Calico cats and immediately decided I had to get one. I started pestering Andrew more persistently about getting another kitten to help Ayah when she came home to us. Andrew still wasn't really sold on it but I finally talked him into it. (He's glad we have two cats now, because they play with each other and demand less of his attention than when we had just one).

Baby Meg - May 22, Almost 5 Weeks Old

We brought Meg home on May 23rd after Andrew had some time to sleep on the idea. Because it cost money to adopt her from the pet store, Andrew basically told me that she was counting as my birthday present. Happy birthday to me (two months early)! After a few days, Andrew came up with the name of Megara for her - we call her Meg for short.

Bonus for Meg: we brought her home the day before she turned 5 weeks old, and she was already super litter trained! This made me very happy.

According to Meg's approximate date of birth that the pet store gave me (they found her and her siblings abandoned when she was about a week old), Ayah is two days older than Meg is. She's smaller, though, which I think has a lot to do with who their parents are. Mama Kitty is a petite, small cat.

On May 30th, I picked Ayah up from my mom's house and we brought her home. She and Meg hissed and spat at each other and threw their own little fits about each other. However, they also followed each other around because they were curious and Meg wanted a playmate.

Ayah & Meg following each other around & fighting

After a few days of sleeping in separate rooms and only seeing each other when they were supervised, they finally got over the strangeness of the other and became friends.

Ayah grooming Meg

Also, in case you were wondering, kittens get big fast!! These pictures show Ayah at 3 weeks old and at 11 weeks old. Basically, this is how much she grew in just 8 weeks!

Ayah at 11 weeks old

Ayah at 3 Weeks Old

Side Note: My cats are my pets, not my fur babies. I am not their mom, I am their owner/human. I love them, but not in the same way - they don't fill the role of a baby, nor will they ever. I respect your opinion if you think of your pets as your fur babies; I hope you respect mine.

An Update on Our Lives

So it's been a while since we've really given people an update on what's going on in our lives. This is mostly because life has been very full and busy with school for both of us. But here's a brief update on how things are going in our lives:

Andrew and I have started working as ordinance workers at the Mt. Timpanogos temple! We are both out of training now and serve as full-fledged ordinance workers. It's been a wonderful experience for us!

Andrew got a full-time salary job working for the Church at Family Search located in Orem! :) It's been a huge blessing for us.

We got to attend my little sister's mission call opening! She will be serving in Chile in the Viña del Mar mission and will be speaking Spanish. I am super excited for her!

We are both in our last semesters of college! We will be graduating May 1st. Both of us will be graduating with our Bachelor degrees with Magna Cum Laude honors. Andrew is registered to walk with me so that we only have to attend one graduation convocation. We went with him walking with me because it was at a better time and we assume it's the smaller of the two schools (meaning, hopefully, a shorter ceremony!)



After graduation, Andrew will be continuing to work for the Church at Family Search. I am planning to stay at home and not really seek employment so that I'll be ready to be a stay-at-home mom and home keeper. We are planning on finally meeting with an infertility specialist in May when we can both give it our full attention and each other our full support without being distracted and/or stressed by school. We are also hoping to start the process to buy our first home and then, once it's finally furnished and ready, we plan on starting our journey as Foster Care parents.

Other than that, life has just been plugging along one day at a time! :) Marriage and life have both been treating us really well, and aside from being very disenchanted from school right now, we are very happy.

Done and Not Done - A Graduation Tale

Earlier this month I finished my Associates Degree finally and graduated!! (If you couldn't guess, this is the DONE!! part! Yay!) Andrew and I both did really well that semester!! I got another 4.0, and Andrew had all A's (2 were A-)! I'm super proud of him!! :-)

 

My Mom, Step-Dad, Grandma, and 5 of my 11 Siblings

It was so nice to be done and celebrate my accomplishments with my family. I especially appreciated all of the efforts they all made to be there! My mom had to get up super early to make it, since my graduation started at 8 AM.

My Two Beautiful Moms :)

After the graduation ceremony, we went over to my Mother-in-Law's house for lunch. She made her amazing chicken salad sandwiches and her coworker made some amazing brownies for me!

My Mom & Step-Dad Jason

 It was a wonderful accomplishment for me to finish my Associates Degree, especially since originally I was planning on being done with my Associates Degree...

Me & My "Snuggly Haired Grandma"
That was what I called her all my childhood

Three Generations :-)

This is where the "Not Done" comes in.







Andrew and I talked about it, and I'm going to be getting my Bachelor's Degree. I knew this already when graduating with my Associates Degree, but I felt like I should walk anyway and prove to myself that those semesters of working my tush off actually was going toward something. It was worth it, if only to celebrate with my family.

My Super Awesome Little Sister!!

I'm going to be getting my Bachelor's in Behavioral Science with an emphasis in Family Studies. When I get my Bachelor's Degree, I'll have pretty much everything done to become a Certified Family Life Educator. There are just a lot of classes for that degree that I want to take before I finish and we start Foster Care and everything.






In other exciting news, this super awesome little sister of mine is going to be moving in with us for a while! (A while means however long until she gets to go to the MTC after she gets her papers in & everything). This is so she can get a job up here and save up for a mission. It's going to be pretty awesome!




We had one week off from school after my graduation, then we started Summer Semester. Andrew will be struggling through Calc 2 after 8 years of no math. He's a little panicked over it, but we both believe that he can pass.

I'm a little burnt out after last semester, but I'm still going to do my best this semester and that's all anyone can really ask of me! (Is  it considered my best if I'm currently procrastinating doing some homework to write this post? Hmm...)

Hope all is well with you!

With Love,
The Christiansens

No Longer Trying - Leaving it in the Hands of God

Thank you all for your love and concern that has followed my open and honest post concerning our current infertility. It has been a hard thing for us, and I appreciate that you all have responded so understandingly and lovingly.

Recently, I was put on Clomid for a couple of cycles, and although I know I could continue it still, we are choosing, for now, temporarily, to stop trying. Before I get bombarded with "Don't give up!" and other encouraging words, let me explain why we have decided this.

During the two cycles of Clomid, I received answers in a couple of blessings. One was a blessing Andrew was given at the beginning of the school semester. In the blessing, he was blessed to be there for "his sweet wife" and to help me through the disappointments that would be ahead of us. With those words, I knew that the Clomid was not going to work this round; namely, I was not going to get pregnant. I was not surprised when my period started. During the next round, I asked Andrew to give me, along with my Step-Dad Jason, a healing blessing. Partially to help with my cold at the time, but mostly to heal my body and let the Clomid help me get pregnant. However, the blessing I asked for was not quite the blessing I received. I was promised that I WOULD receive the great desire of my heart, and that eventually all of the efforts I was making to get pregnant would pay off. Andrew and I both walked away from that experience knowing that it was not going to work this round either, and that was when I started entertaining the thought of no longer trying.

What Do I Mean By "Not Trying"?
This does NOT mean that we will be using contraceptives again. I will even still be taking prenatal fertility vitamins. This DOES mean, however, that I am going to box up my fertility monitor, my OPKs (Ovulation Prediction Kits - like pregnancy tests, but they tell you if you're ovulating or not), my pregnancy books, and basically everything else. No more charting, worrying about whether or not I'm ovulating, etc. The only "exceptions" will be the prenatal fertility vitamins and keeping track of when my periods are starting to see how long my cycles are. That is it.

Why, after two years of trying, would I choose to suddenly stop?
Well, during my reflection, I realized that not all of the changes that I had made since I started TTC were good. For a while, I had started focusing on what I didn't have yet (a baby) and wasn't concentrating as much as I should have on what I already have (a wonderful husband). I even caught myself murmuring about it with my friends, which must have been very uncomfortable for them... Don't get me wrong, I have had a lot of spiritual growth and learned some VERY valuable lessons during this time, and I wouldn't take back any of this difficult trial. But I need to focus on the blessings I have already received rather than mourn because I have not yet received one particular blessing.

Additionally, I have been doing the Clomid, the fertility monitor, and so on, and I'm still not pregnant. Every time I ask for a blessing on it, the answer is always, "I have promised this to you, I always keep my promise" and so on. God just reassures me over and over to not worry about it, that it will happen. If my efforts have thus far gotten me nowhere, but God has already promised me that it's going to happen, why should I be worrying and trying to make it happen? I'm still going to do the prenatal fertility vitamins because I want to be healthy in case I do get pregnant while "not trying", but other than that, I think I can trust God and leave it up to Him. It's never been about me or my timing anyway.

So, consequently, I decided that something had to change. I decided that I needed to stop worrying and stressing over things that I don't have any control over (I can't MAKE myself get pregnant) and instead focus on what I do have control over. Namely, getting in better shape, enhancing my marriage and trying to actually enjoy this period that we have without children rather than let it pass by waiting for the next big thing. I don't want to look back on my marriage, some years in the future, and regret wasting my life worrying about the future and not living in the present.


I can't guarantee that this change will be easy for me. We aren't giving up, and we still want to have children together. There are definitely days still that are hard and it hurts because I want a baby. I know that Andrew really will have a hard time with this change, because he also REALLY wants a baby, and I don't know if he will be able to mentally step away from that at all and stop worrying about it. Honestly, I think he's had a harder time with this than I have; he's just quieter about it and doesn't talk about it as openly as I do. But we're going to try. We're going to try to stop trying and leave it all in the hands of God. He's been the one in charge this entire time anyway.

Exciting Times!

We have had some exciting times lately in our little Christiansen Home :)

First off, the absolutely most exciting news: one of my lifelong dreams is going to be fulfilled in April! I have the wonderful opportunity of singing in the April General Conference during the Saturday Afternoon session! The Orem Institute of Religion is directed by Ryan Eggett, who is PHENOMENAL! Additionally, we have the largest institute in Utah, and so we will be able to be performing on our own! Saying that I am excited is a bit of an understatement. I feel so honored and blessed to be a part of this. It's also intimidating, since we will be performing for, oh, approximately 4-10 million people... It will be worth it knowing that I am singing for my family, friends, and my Savior, though, and luckily I (usually) don't really get stage fright all that badly.

For Valentine's Day, Andrew and I created our own little retreat to "get away" from school and chores by renting a hotel, going out to dinner, and then going out to breakfast the next morning just before going to go see The Lego Movie. We saved up for this, and even though it was kind of expensive, it was so nice to just get away for the weekend! Andrew got me a miniature white rose bush and a bag of my favorite jelly beans for Valentines :) (in case you're wondering, it's green pear). I got him the next expansion for The Lord of the Rings Card Game, and we played all night. (At least, it felt that way, especially when I couldn't sleep at 3 AM so we got up and continued playing).

We have also decided that I am going to take Summer Semester classes, so Andrew and I will both be graduating with our Bachelor's Degrees at the same time next year (April 30th). This is a huge thing, and I am excited to be done with school! I am also feeling a bit overwhelmed looking at the classes that I have to take coming up, such as my Advanced Research class... I am confident that I can handle it, but I am also confident that I am probably going to get burnt out before I've finished. This current semester is one of my hardest, since I am taking 15 credits of core classes, without any P.E. or dance classes to make it more fun. Andrew has only 4 classes he has to take after this semester, but unfortunately is going to have to drag it out in two (or three, if he decides to do summer semester) semester.

That is pretty much it, honestly. Other than that, we are trekking through school and trying to make sure we pass our classes!
Love you all!
- Elizabeth

The Cost of Weddings

Andrew and I saw a blog post recently on how much Utah brides typically spend on their weddings. The majority of them, I noticed, were $5,000 or less. I was surprised to see how expensive it could get for other brides. Suddenly, I felt a whole lot better about my own wedding day.

You see, I didn't get the dress I wanted, and we couldn't afford the reception decor package that I originally wanted. I didn't have catering or matching bridesmaid dresses or a program with singing and dancing to make my reception more interesting for the guests.

Do I wish I could have been in the $1,000 dress that I really loved and looked incredibly flattering on me? Absolutely. Giving that dress up was one of the biggest regrets that I had about my wedding day.

Do I wish I hadn't been as bored at my own reception and planned a more fun event for myself and my guests? That would have been amazing!

Do I wish I could have gotten my best friends and family member in matching dresses and suits to make the pictures look classier? Yeah, a bit.

But, on the other hand, after seeing that post, my husband and I became curious about how much we spent on our wedding and it was SO validating when I realized that we did all of it for about $2,000 (it was just a little under $2,000). The dress, the rings, the honeymoon, the decor; all of it.

I am not saying this is the right way to go for every couple. If you have the money to get your dream dress, get the backdrop and location of your dreams, and so on, good for you! Enjoy your wonderful special day. But if you don't, then there's nothing wrong with starting off your newly married life not going into debt over the wedding. It turns out, you may have access to more for less than you realize. And if not, isn't marrying them the one thing that REALLY matters about the entire event more than anything else anyway?

The Hardest Thing I Never Thought I'd Face

When I was little, I loved playing with dolls or stuffed animals, and helping them achieve "happily ever afters". This involved meeting their prince charming, getting married, and having children together. Then I would continue the cycle with their children.

I grew up the second out of nine children. I quickly become the super responsible second mother of the household. During Junior High when my mother was on bed rest, I went and picked my youngest two siblings up from daycare every day after school for a while since my mom could not chase them around the house, go home, and run the household up to an extent. I managed the family garden, made the meals, and helped resolve my sibling's conflicts, who came to me saying "LIZA!!!" in the same tattle-telling tone a child normally calls "MOOM!!" I had a hard time connecting to the girls my own age, since I wasn't obsessed over boys, but I connected easily with my Young Women leaders and joined in easily and naturally during their conversations of parenthood.

When my mom had to go to Washington for her grandmother's funeral when I was in high school, I ran the house for an entire week. My dad wasn't home and my older brother was rarely home; it was just me. I learned to take a step into the other room, breathe, and then deal with fighting so that I didn't resort to screaming and spanking (which was very hard sometimes) and because of that, I grew very close to my youngest brother Andrew, who was struggling and taking it out aggressively.

Through it all, I always knew that I was going to be a mom someday. It was my biggest goal, my deepest dream, and I knew that I was going to be a stay at home mom. I had prepared my whole life for it and I wanted it more than I could say.

I met my "Prince Charming" - Andrew - and fell in love with him quickly and easily. We dated, he proposed, we married. I had received a LOT of advice from several people telling me to wait to have kids. That we should focus on our marriage relationship first, build it and strengthen it, and then have kids. "Wait a couple years," they recommended. And, not sure what I was doing, I decided that was probably a good idea. So I used birth control, and I focused just on our marriage, and it was fine. For a little while.

Before two months had even gone by, my husband and I were both prompted very strongly that we needed to start our family. We prayed about it, studied it out in our minds, and then took the answer to God in prayer, and it was confirmed again to both of us. So we stopped. I had been on birth control for less than two months, and I wish I could undo that. I wish we could have started trying from the get-go. Maybe then things would be different.

We were scared at first, yes. But we had faith, and we knew that we were doing what God wanted us to do. My mom never had any problems getting pregnant, so I assumed I never would either. I began studying, learning some things about "trying to conceive". Most couples, I learned, were pregnant within 6 months. As six months came and went, I clung to the next bit of information: the couples that weren't pregnant within 6 months were usually pregnant within a year. Year one came and went.

I became depressed and obsessed over it. I murmured, I complained, I cried. Within this time, I had used over 30 pregnancy tests, and all of them were negative. Those spiteful things, I was beginning to believe, were incapable of actually showing a positive result. A couple of times I was SURE that I was pregnant. Andrew and I got excited, called our moms, and then called back within the next two days when my period started in embarrassment and regret, having to admit to them and ourselves that we were wrong, I wasn't pregnant. The ammenorhea that I got really had me fooled, too. 3 Months without a period? What else could it be but pregnancy? Those tests were all wrong. But they weren't.

So I went in and started getting some tests done. Not very many. They checked my blood, they had me do an ultrasound, and they checked my blood again. "Nothing is wrong" they told me. "Everything looks good."

So today I went in to my Student Health Center, since it's cheaper and we don't have insurance right now. I'll be going back, but they finally gave it a name. Infertility. I am infertile. This doesn't mean I will never get pregnant, it just means I am not getting pregnant easily. Maybe I will be fertile in the future, but right now it just isn't happening.

And it's hard. And Andrew and I cry together, and we wish together, and we dream together. And my stage of being extremely baby hungry is fading away, because a part of me is beginning to lose hope that I will ever be pregnant. I drew a picture of myself pregnant once, just a doodle, when we had just started TTC. I could, at that time, completely imagine it. Those imaginations are hard to capture now.

Next Monday will be our two year anniversary. We laughed together about that, in a not so happy way. "I guess we waited two years after all."

I am learning to accept it, and I am trying to learn to hope again. This is the hardest thing that I never dreamed that I would have to face. People tell me, "You're so young! Don't worry about it, it will happen." Trying to make the problem seem smaller doesn't really help. I am young, that's true. I am in middle of the younger years when I'm supposed to be at my fertile peak. I've hit the age where I'm beginning to see more pregnancy announcements on Facebook than wedding announcements. Trying to make the problem seem like it isn't a big deal isn't going to help me. I don't want for you to pretend like the problem isn't there. What I want is people who love me anyway, who support me, who listen, who are willing to admit that they don't know how to help, but that they are here as my friend and they are rooting for me. To not feel questioned for wanting kids already, to not feel questioned on why we don't have kids already. What I want is to be accepted for who we are and what we're going through.

This may not be the happiest post, but it is an honest post, and it is something that we are facing and dealing with right now. I am not going to hide this struggle of ours. I am not waiting until later to have kids, I want kids badly. We used to be a little scared of the idea of me getting pregnant, because we weren't sure if we were ready, if we could afford it, or whatever. We aren't scared anymore. Not because we think we're ready, but because we both want it so badly now.

I have learned a lot from this trial. I will continue learning. And I am grateful beyond expression that I have a wonderful husband at my side that loves me no matter what, who is going through this WITH me, and that I have a God that loves me enough to let me learn about His timing and His plans for my life, my husband's life, and our future children's lives.

Andrew's Knack

So my husband, whom I love very dearly, is HORRIBLE at this whole being surprised by gifts thing. One way or another, he will inevitably find out what it is that I (or anyone else, for that matter, it seems) got him before he's supposed to. It isn't always his fault, but sometimes it is. This is not a one time thing, either. His mom actually warned me about this strange ability of his, because he was really good at not being surprised and finding out what he's getting before, too, all growing up.

Here are some examples that I have PERSONALLY have had with this odd ability of his:

We had been married for less than five months the first time it happened. For some reason, he had logged on to Amazon on my computer. Before I realized this, I put an ice cream maker in the cart to surprise him for his birthday, to get it a little early and have his mom hold on to it. When I realized I wasn't on my account, I logged off Andrew off, logged myself on, and purchased it. Andrew was later emailed about the ice cream maker that was still in his cart. Whoops.

I tried again our second Christmas together (last year). I was making desktop calendars for people for Christmas, and had gotten a deal that I could buy one get two free. So I decided I'd make one for my dad, one for my friend Katie, and one for Andrew. I told Andrew about the deal, and he said it wasn't worth it unless I had three people specifically in mind. I told him I did, and he asked who. Cornered, I had to admit that one of them was for him, that I'd been hoping to surprise him. He then realized what he had done and kind of felt bad.

So THEN I was going to surprise him with a 4 pound thing of Jelly Bellies (same Christmas). The surprise was well on its way to being perfect! Except that it got delivered to the wrong Post Office. When I told Andrew, I slipped and said "The Jelly Bellies..... I mean... the package was shipped to the wrong Post Office." Andrew started laughing really hard, especially since it wasn't his fault this time.

I was determined after that that I was going to surprise him. So this year for Easter, I decided to order a board game he had been wanting since before his mission (Dread Pirate). I told him that I had ordered something, and had it shipped to the PO Box, and that it was a surprise. At the same time, I ordered some hair trimmers to be delivered to the apartment. When the board game was delivered, Andrew picked it up and, forgetting about the surprise package and thinking it was the hair clippers, he opened the box to make carrying the trimmers home easier. And then called me sounding very, very guilty. I wasn't sure if I was more amused or flabbergasted.

Luckily, it IS possible to surprise him.

Like, when I bought him The Way of Kings by Brandon Sanderson and hid it in a drawer for over a month to surprise him for the actual day of Easter. It worked! He had no idea! I was thrilled :)

And, later on, when I got him "Steelheart" to celebrate the anniversary of his first day of work at Sewell (okay, I admit it. I had no idea it was the one year mark. It was supposed to be for Christmas, but then he mentioned the work thing and I was so excited about the gift for him that I gave it to him early haha).

And this year, for Christmas & our Anniversary, I hope to successfully surprise him again. Here's to hoping. Who knew surprising someone could be so easily complicated??

Couch Cushions & Super Gross Bugs DON'T Mix

Just last week our couch cushions became in need of some cleaning after having one of my younger siblings over that accidentally wet the couch while they were sleeping on it. Andrew had taken them and washed them and left them in the bathroom to drain & dry out, but they were beginning to smell a bit still. In response, Andrew suggested today that I take them outside, spray them down with a hose, and sprinkle baking soda on them then leave them out there and let them dry to help with the smell & let them dry out thoroughly.

Later when I went out to go put them outside, I decided that the front steps & just outside the front door could use some sweeping  up to make sure the ground beneath where the cushions were going to be was clean. In the process, I decided to move my plants in order to get behind them where I had seen some petals and spider webs and leaves that had been blown behind them. A horror awaited me behind those pots, however.

The petals and leaves that had begun decomposing a bit were MOVING. I couldn't hold back the shudder that came when I realized just what I was looking at - an insane number of bugs. Bugs began spreading out from the place the pot had been, and in horror I ran to go get shoes on to squish them with before any got inside the apartment. Pill bugs, earwigs, spiders, and beetles were everywhere, and it was DISGUSTING! Normally I am not one to get all girly when it comes to bugs, but the insane number of them struck a chord in me that brought out a killer instinct in me that I wasn't completely aware of before. Normally I am the kind of person to capture bugs and set them free outside, but I had gone from being a bug savior to being a bug demon of destruction.

Taking a break from my squishing frenzy, I ran into the house and hunted down our can of Raid. Much to my dismay, I realized that the Raid my husband had gotten only killed ants and cockroaches, but I decided it was worth trying to use anyway. I ran outside with my weapon of (hopefully) mass destruction and began spraying the bugs with a vengeance. A few began writhing and didn't seem to enjoy the poisonous spray, but most seemed completely oblivious to the fact that I was trying to kill them, wandering up to me without realizing that this meant they were going to be squished. Any bug that began escaping my killer Raid met the bottom of my shoe, and I was on a bug killing rampage. 

In middle of my horrified adrenaline inducing killing spree, a HUGE spider suddenly began charging at me from the flower pot.  I jumped and then acted quickly, squishing it just before it made its way past me into my apartment. After dousing the area again with raid, I continued my squishing spree and killed several ear wigs, including a few that I gave a merciful death with my shoe when I realized they were just slowly and painfully dying. Finally, I grabbed the broom & dustpan and dumped the rest of the leaves, petals, and bugs (whether dead or alive) all in a garbage bag and ran it to the dumpster. In a case of overkill, I then went inside, found a container of bleach, and doused the area, and then sprayed Raid around the doorway as a protective measure to try to keep any bugs from entering my abode.

Finally, hesitantly, I took the couch cushions out and sprinkled them in baking soda and hosed them down. Feeling gross from the bug incident and worried bugs would get inside the cushions, though, I ended up taking them to the driveway near the car to dry - I just couldn't leave them near where a drove of bugs had been crawling only minutes before.

So if anyone is wondering, this is why the flowers in the front are still out of place and there are couch cushions in my parking space and I took a bubble bath in middle of the day to get rid of the feeling of bugs crawling all over me.

In an odd sort of way, I kind of feel like a war-hero. Taking on a gross number of bugs can do that to you sometimes, I guess. Andrew seemed less than impressed when I tried telling him about it, though.

During Summer, Dreams Do Come True! . . . Sometimes.

Summertime! It's the stuff dreams are made of! Coincidentally, it's also the stuff nightmares are made of as well.

For example:

DREAMS:

Not dealing with this guy in the morning? Heaven! The luxury of not having to get up super early in order to scrape the car off, especially in the mornings I was running late, was something I missed about summertime big time during the winter. Plus, you don't have to freeze your bum off while you wait for your car to finally heat up.

NIGHTMARES:

Summertime with a car that doesn't have a working air conditioning. All I can say is thank goodness for 4x40 (all four windows rolled down going 40mph). And for a Father-in-law that is a mechanic and will hopefully be able to fix that soon. Until then, the windows will be rolled up and down as I vary between "It's stuffy and hot in here!" and "The wind is getting my hair all in my face!"

Summertime is the time people look forward to plan trips, play outdoors, finally relax, and just enjoy the sunshine. And every year, we convince ourselves that this summer we are going to have the time of our lives without a care in the world, expecting everything to go off without a hitch. Maybe I'm the only one, but I don't think this has ever happened for me. It seems like every year my summer plans have to meet up with the fact that this is still the real world and things don't always go according to plan.

For the Fourth of July we thought it would be fun to go with a couple of friends in our ward to Lava Hot Springs in Idaho, so we could go inner-tubing down the river and soak in the hot springs. Super awesome road trip we had planned? Meet having to pay for car repairs, miscalculating our budget, and realizing we could no longer afford to go.

My plan for wearing shorts, enjoying myself outside, and getting super cute tan legs? Meet marriage-weight-gain causing my shorts to no longer fit comfortably, feeling too lazy to go outside because it's hot, and consequently, still very white legs. Except for the weird part of my foot between my pant line and where my flats begin that has tanned. Yeah, a bit odd looking.

It hasn't been all bad. We might not have been able to go on that 4th of July road trip, but we still got to go to a parade, spend time with family, go swimming in my cute new swimsuit, enjoy some grilled food, and watch fireworks with friends.

And even though those trip plans didn't work out, we still were able to go on a fun camp out to Goblin Valley with those friends. There weren't even mosquitoes there, which was a huge plus! :)

I might not fit in all of my old pants anymore, but it gave me an excuse to buy some new running shoes & convince my husband to start running with me. Definitely a new motivation to get back in shape! Which I needed. And even though I may not have cute tan legs, I at least have a funny pants & flats tan line :)

We've grilled, gone on fun dates, and have had a lot of time to relax and read for fun instead of for homework, watch movies, and create new plans! And summer still isn't over yet!

So even if there are a few nightmares this summer like a car's AC not working (if you are also going through this, I feel for you) and fun trips falling through, summer is still a time of dreaming and living those dreams and relaxing and laughing and just enjoying life in general.

So long live your summer dreams! I hope all of your summers are going just as well as ours - if not better!

School's Out for Summer!! :D

After three demanding semesters, I am thrilled to be taking a summer off! School is going well, and I'm actually really excited to announce (if I haven't already) that Andrew and I will both be graduating from UVU by the end of 2014! Andrew with his Bachelors and me with my Associates. I changed my major to Behavioral Science, and now have only 2 semesters left until I graduate with my Associates of Science. I'm focusing on Family Studies. Andrew is majoring in Computer Science, emphasizing in Computer Programming. He is really good at it, too! He's already gotten a job doing everything he's in school to learn right now, and I couldn't be more proud of him! :) Andrew has 2 or 3 semesters left depending on how ambitious he's feeling with his classes (he might do a semester entirely dedicated to a VERY difficult class at UVU where he has to write his own operating system just so that he can give it the time it needs so he can pass it).

I'm actually quite excited with how school has been going for me! Just to sum up how I did on my last 3 semesters...

Yes, I'm crazy... I took Math 1050 during SUMMER Semester.
Also - FIRST 4.0 I had EVER received in my entire academic career! WOOT! :D

Everyone preached doom & gloom about Ethics & Values classes when they heard I was taking it -
I rather enjoyed it, actually.

Silly A-; that's what I get for getting sick and skipping class and getting a B on the final.
Oh well, all the classes that really mattered I got A's in. :)
And in case you missed it - I GOT AN A IN ENGLISH 2010!!! :D

Also, since Andrew won't do it for himself, I'm going to do bragging time for him:

He did AWESOME in his Programming classes last semester!! :D

After working our bums off the past few semesters, we're definitely ready to have some fun together this summer. Especially since we couldn't do anything the summer of our first year of marriage because I was in school during Summer Semester back then!

So to make up for it, we've made some really fun plans... <3

In June we're going to go camping in Goblin Valley with our friends Brian & Genni.
Also, my mom is getting married June 29th!! :D I'm so happy for her <3
Her wedding is followed quickly by my older brother James' on July 2nd!! <3
In July we're going to Lava Hot Springs for the 4th of July with Brian & Genni to go tubing and watch fireworks.
We're then later heading to Oregon for my cousin Savannah's wedding! I'm so excited to visit the coast & see Savannah! She is going to be a beautiful bride <3

In August we're doing a solo trip to Zions National Park ( - where we went on our honeymoon ;) ) just before school starts.

We're also planning on doing a lot of hiking, building up to us hiking to the top of Mt. Timpanogos in August! I'm really excited for that :)

What about you, do you have any fun summer plans??

Life at the Moment

First off, WE MOVED!!! :D I am so excited, and I love our new little apartment already :)

The front room is the only room in the house that is reasonably clear of boxes, so that's all I'm sharing pictures of so far. But I'm impressed it's this put together already; we moved in two days ago!
I love the way that, when you enter the apartment, the bookshelf draws your eyes to it; it has become the center of our home :)

I officially went in and got my major changed as well. Turns out, that actually brought me a lot closer to graduation!! I should be graduating around the same time as Andrew (Spring or Fall of 2014). We're talking about what's going to happen after our graduations, and right now it's sounding like Andrew will get a job and we'll work towards paying off our student loans, and I will pause my schooling to become a stay-at-home mom. Once our kids are all in elementary school and above, then I might start taking some classes to work towards my bachelor's degree during the time frame that they are all at school. That's the plan right now, anyway :) If we get prompted in another direction, we will head down that course instead.

Major Change

As I was reviewing my patriarchal blessing, I read over the part talking about how I would be guided in the area of my profession. I contemplated my chosen major, Early Childhood Education. I've told people over and over how I was planning on being able to teach preschool in our home if we needed the extra income so I could still be a stay at home mom while helping out. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that I just couldn't see myself doing it. I love children, and I'm not bad at teaching, but overall it just seemed off.

I began writing, thoughtlessly, on my notebook. After a while, I actually realized what I had written. "Foster Parent" my doodled words spelled out. It was something Andrew and I had talked about before very briefly: being foster parents and maybe even adopting some of the kids. I would be lying if I said that I had spent a lot of time thinking about it since then, though. Staring at the words, I finally ripped a paper out of my notebook and passed a note to Andrew.

I think I'm going to change my major.

Andrew gave me a look then wrote down on the paper and passed it back.
Why? and to what?

I began writing as quickly as the thoughts came to me.
Because while I could do an in home preschool and be happy with that, it just doesn't feel quite like what I need to be doing. I can't actually super see myself doing it. In all of my designs of our dream house, was there ever a place where I could teach?
I think I should just switch to and start the Family Studies major.
I'm still considering the Foster Parent thing, I think I'd be more likely to do that than teach preschool.
I might still take some early childhood education classes, but not to teach preschool. So I can be a better mom.

Andrew nodded as he read it knowingly, then looked up from reading and leaned over to me. "We'll talk about it at home," he told me.

Sunbeams, like always, was full of kids wanting to sit on my lap, sit next to me and cuddle, and kids that wanted to run all over the room pretending to be a wolf/cat/dog. Then there's the one Sunbeam that reminds me of Grumpy Cat. No matter what I ask him, the answer is always NO! He reminds me of the famous Grumpy Cat:
He even has the face down perfectly.

Mostly it's because he's having a SUPER hard time adjusting to Sunbeams after Nursery. He'll get there eventually :) It'll be hard for him all over when we move out of the ward... We did make progress today: he sat on my lap and even participated in a few things! By the end he was having a BLAST playing dinosaur with one of the other sunbeams.

Anyway. Sunbeams ended and slowly all of the kids were picked up by their parents. They even all helped clean up! It was great. Sunbeams is crazy, but I'm going to miss the kids. I hope they can find someone new soon; apparently they've had several people actually turn down the calling! Poor Sunbeams... My heart goes out to them. The adjustment, all over again, will be so hard for them if no one will accept it before we move to help with transitioning.

After we got home, I brought up the subject of the major change again. And what Andrew had to say kind of surprised me.

"Honestly, I've been thinking you needed to change majors for a while, I just didn't want to say anything and make you feel like I was wanting you to quit school. When you had to drop the Health for Elementary Ed class, I caught myself thinking, 'Good. She doesn't need that class anyway,' which made no sense. But I've been thinking you should switch to the Family Studies major for a while."

We talked about foster parenting, and he dumped another surprise on me: when we got the prompting to start our family last year, he was also prompted that we were going to be foster parents someday. That prompting was that it wasn't a big deal because it wasn't immediately soon and he was prompted to not worry about it, but he never even thought twice about it. It just was going to happen.

It feels right. I don't want to teach or ANYTHING as much as I desperately want to be a mother. So, fittingly, my profession will be as a foster mother :) It will be a challenge, a joy, and SO worth it. I'm really excited to go in and change my major.

Family Update & Blessings

Like all things, we have gotten both wonderful blessings and a few disappointments since my last post. However, I really am so very richly blessed; while I won't leave out the disappointments, I would like to put in at least two blessings per disappointment. I want this post to highlight the positive note that my life really is on right now; after all, no matter what bad comes to us, we are richly blessed, and Heavenly Father deserves to be given credit for all of the wonder and joy that comes to us.

On Wednesday of last week, my wedding ring went missing. I may not ever see it again, since I believe it was lost on UVU campus outside in the snow. Although this was disappointing to me, and I love that ring, I'm glad that that wasn't why I married my sweet husband. Rings will come and go, but I very very highly doubt I could have found a better man for me than my husband. He is one in a trillion, and I feel so proud to be the woman he chose to be at his side. My life would be completely incomplete without him, and I couldn't bear it if I lost him. In comparison, losing my wedding ring is completely insignificant.

On a high note, I made it into the UVU Ballroom Company, and I am SUPER excited!!! My team will be performing the Mambo and (most likely) the Tango. Our performances will be April 18-20th, so save the date! I can't wait to do my best performing ballroom on the stage. My dance partner is named Travis, and I still have a long way to go in getting to know the rest of the team, but I am enjoying it a lot so far, and am determined to do my best and enjoy being part of the team. (Unfortunately, my husband and I are not on team together since he didn't have room/time to do that this semester. I would have loved to be performing with him, but maybe later.)

I am officially a sophomore! After taking over a year off from school, having to retake classes to get my GPA up to qualify for financial aid after a first semester that pretty much blew up in my face, I'm back in the swing of things and I even got my first 4.0! And then my second 4.0! I even chose what I am going to be doing for a Bachelor's Degree after I finish my associates! I'm really excited to be back in school and doing well.

Andrew is also doing really well in school, and is officially a Senior! If he plays his cards right, he could graduate at the end of Spring semester in 2014! I'm so proud of him and all of the hard work that he is putting into his schooling. He might end up taking one class in Fall semester of 2014 just to ease his workload, especially since the class he might take on its own is said to be the hardest class offered at UVU, but by the end of 2014, my wonderful husband will be a graduate!

(Sorry for throwing all of the exclamation marks in your faces; I don't know how else to truly portray my enthusiasm and excitement for all of that good news.)

Life is wonderful, and I am looking forward to the joys and blessings that will continue to come to Andrew and I as we move forward together, especially as we continue to seek God's will for our family.

Love and joy to you all!

God Has Other Plans

I have received a lot of criticism from people saying that I should have gone on a mission, and that they expected so much more from me, and that I should wait a couple of years before I have children. I would like to tell my story on how I know I am following God's plan for me:

Growing up, I'd always thought, "You know, if I'm not dating anyone seriously by the time I'm 21, I'm going to serve a mission." With how my dating life in high school was turning out, I was not only positive that I'd be going on a mission, but that I probably wouldn't be getting married until I was somewhere between 24-26. My friends all laughed at me and told me that I'd be married by 20.

Well, it turns out Heavenly Father had different plans for me than I had thought and my friends were all right. In May 2011, I officially met my future husband. I had unofficially met him when I went on a date with his roommate in October 2010, and he doubled with us.  He was originally just dating while he waited for a Sister Missionary, but I didn't know that at first. 

When I first found out he was waiting for a Sister Missionary, I was pretty upset. I was already really interested in him at this point, and we had been on a date a week for 4 or 5 weeks now. My roommates had started spying through the peep hole after our dates to see if I would be getting my first kiss anytime soon, and I would be lying if I said that I wasn't hoping for it as well. Finding out that he was waiting for her was crushing, and I began to resolve to get over him and to move on with my life. I had made resolutions like this before with other guys, and it never took long for me to actually follow through these types of resolutions. It's lucky for him that the very next day he asked me if we could go on a walk because he needed someone to talk to. 

On the walk, he told me that he didn't know where things were going, but that he was having a lot of fun going on dates with me, and he still wanted to continue to go on dates. The peace and reassurance I felt was phenomenal. The Spirit prompted me strongly that I should continue dating him, even though I didn't know where it was going to go. Later, when we began talking about marriage I made it a matter of prayer. I counseled with my bishop, who listened to me and then asked me if I'd prayed about it. When I told him that I had and that I felt good about it, he encouraged me in my decision. And I had felt good about it. I knew that Andrew was the right guy for me to marry. We were married December 16, 2011 in the Draper, UT LDS temple. On our wedding day, in the Celestial room, I felt a VERY strong confirming witness that I was marrying the RIGHT guy in the RIGHT place at the RIGHT time.

We had gotten a lot of advice from people telling us to wait to have children, because we really need the first couple of years to strengthen our relationship before we brought children into the picture. We decided that was a good idea and decided to wait a couple of years to have children.

Once again, Heavenly Father had a different plan for us. During our Building a Celestial Marriage institute course, we were discussing not postponing having children. It was emphasized that it was between us and the Lord, but I felt an overwhelming thought come to me. WE HADN'T PRAYED ABOUT OUR DECISION TO WAIT. I talked to Andrew about it, and we made it a matter of personal prayer and study, and at the end of the week brought our answer to the temple. Through the entire week I couldn't shake the VERY strong feeling I was getting that we were not supposed to wait to start our family. At the temple, we had confirmation after confirmation after confirmation that we weren't supposed to wait.

It hasn't ended there. I have received inspiration at the temple time and time again since then that we're not supposed to wait, that our children are on the other side of the veil praying to come down to us, and on and on. Andrew and I are not going to wait.

I haven't used any form of birth control for 9 months now, and we are both excited and sometimes impatient to be able to have children. I am still not pregnant. I have received very strong witnesses that Heavenly Father is in charge of the timing of when our children will come to us, though, so I do not have to worry.  I trust in my Father in Heaven, and I know that He is in charge of this timing. I know He has what is best in mind for my family and I. Because of this, I am willing to wait however long He needs me to.


Heavenly Father has other plans for us. I believe that I AM serving a mission where I am, as a faithful daughter of God, and wife to my husband, as we do family names and bring them to the temple. I believe that our striving to break family cycles of abuse and dysfunction in the home is a mission and calling from God as well. I have been told by countless numbers of people that I should wait to have my family. THAT IS NOT GOD'S WILL FOR ME. I can't ignore the answers and promptings I have received. God knows the bigger picture, so even if His plans are different, I am following them.

Family Principles

In Andrew's and my "Scripture Principles for Marrieds" class and our "Marrieds Dinner and Seminar" that we've been attending, we've been counseled to create a Family Constitution. So, for Family Home Evening one day, we started it.
"So, what rules should we have in our home?" I asked Andrew.
"I don't think we should start with the rules," Andrew disagreed lightly. "We can come up with a long list of rules and not necessarily get anywhere. It would probably be more beneficial to create a list of principles that we want to found our family on."
Although I was, at first, puzzled on what he meant, I agreed. By the time we were done, I was feeling the Spirit strongly. We're still working on the wording on some of these, and we may add/change some of the things on this list, but I would like to share what we came up with:

“… Establish a house, even a house of prayer, a house of fasting, a house of faith, a house of learning,
a house of glory, a house of order, a house of God;” –Doctrine and Covenants 88:119
____________________________________________________________

            The goal of our home and family is that all of us may return to our Father in Heaven that we may be an eternal family. As such, through the guidance of the Spirit, we establish these principles that our home will be founded upon whereby we may obtain this goal.

            The first principle of our home, and in our lives, is that our family comes first. The Godhead stands as the center stone of our family. Our family is God first, our marriage second, and our children next.

            All important decisions will be made in council and family decisions are made by the whole family. All family members that can be at the meeting should be; we invite God to meetings through prayer before starting. The decisions we make will not be made on a “majority rules” concept, but on a basis that it will give each of us a chance to learn to seek revelation on what God wants us to do.

            We do things the entire family can participate in; if one person shouldn't do it, no one should.
E.g.: As parents, we will not stay up late watching movies the children shouldn't watch. This does not mean that if a baby is too young to participate that we cannot play a board game as a family.

            Ours is a home of celebration. We will rejoice in each other’s accomplishments and achievements. We have traditions to strengthen, fortify, and build-up our family bonds, and to make life more enjoyable and fun.

            Our home is a place where we feel safe and comfortable, and we feel comfortable inviting others. Because God is a part of our family, He needs to be present in our home. We must keep an atmosphere wherein the Spirit can reside.

            Because the world tears us down, ours will be a home that builds up ourselves, each other, and others. We encourage and help each other be the best we can be.

            We talk, spend time, and listen to/with each other. Because God is family, this means the rule applies to Him, too. We talk with, listen to, and spend time with God through prayer, scripture study, the temple, seminary/institute, etc. We express love to each other, and show our love to each other through our actions.

            We will “seek diligently and teach one another words of wisdom” and “seek learning, even by study and also by faith.” – Doctrine and Covenants 88:119

            Our family works together and finds opportunities to serve each other and others. All of us work hard to contribute to following the principles that have been established, and each of us does our part. Because we serve each other and God is family, we must allow God to serve us by receiving His aid through priesthood blessings, prayer, and so forth. We will ask for priesthood blessings not only for “emergencies.”

            We will obey the will of the Lord and the law of the land. We will see God’s counsels as God’s commandments.

            Rules are not arbitrary – they must be and will be based off of family principles.

_________________________________________________

“Choose you this day whom ye will serve: …But as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.” – Joshua 24:15